Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Memories
This morning I've been lazy. I don't work Wednesday mornings, and this particular morning, I've been lazy and don't want to get out of bed. So I read some of the old emails my sweet husband and I wrote back and forth to each other while we were dating before his mission. They are hilarious and so cute! They reminded me of the care free girl I was back then. Sometimes I think I get too worried about when we are going to have children. I get too focused how much I want us to be parents and how much I want to become a mother that I become this crazy, sad, withdrawn person I don't like to be. Sometimes that weird mood lasts for a few days and some days I'm able to snap out of it quickly. Every day is different. But reading these emails made me want to be better, to be more happy. To enjoy today. To enjoy the fact that I am married to the man I love. To enjoy the fact that we are SO blessed! So I guess I should stop being lazy now and get going for the day. And get started on being that care free and fun girl. I want to be that person for my sweet husband. He deserves it!
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Oh I love this post! I know I have done the exact same thing. Read through old journal entries or letters and yes, carefree and fun and just generally more happy, are the words I would use to describe myself pre-infertility too. It is so, so, so so, hard and can be so consuming, the path to the child. I know your baby will come though! I know he or she will! And you will be such a good mom, and all the more better mom because of what you have experienced! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think we all have those different trials or other things we are called to go through that make us sometimes not as happy or care free as we once were... but I think that's amazing that you have those sweet notes to read through and remind you of what you'd like to be and give you the motivation to be that person for your husband. I am super guilty of letting the stress of life get to me too easily, this post makes me want to go back to journals of my 'care free' days and maybe learn a few things from my past self. ;)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Addie. Since I can truly say I have been where you guys are. It is a very hard thing to go through and unless you have gone through it most people don't understand. We had tried to adopt and that was not a good situation. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. But it definately made me stronger in the end. In the beginning of our infertility journey we were very lucky to be in a ward with about 3 other couples going through the same thing and so we all hung out together and supported each other. Then one by one they all were able to adopt kids and we were not. We finally decided to try invitro and decided that if this did not work we were done and would move on and try and be happy. We got a special blessing from our bishop that said we would have a child. Boy was I shocked since I had gone through many miscarriages, failed infertility treatments and so on. We decided to have faith and we were blessed with Brett . As I look back now I wish that I would have been able to see the whole picture but it is very difficult to do when you are in the midst of that trial. You guys are awesome. I am sorry that it is so hard right now. All you can do is try and do the best you can and if you have an off day that is okay just pick yourself up and try again when you can. If you need a listening ear or anything I am here for you guys and I can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your sweet comments! I feel SO loved! You guys are the best!
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