Brave

I'm sorry I've been such a slacker when it comes to my blog, but I'm going to rationalize my slackerness and say that I haven't been a slacker, I've just been holding in a big secret and I was afraid I would let the secret out if I blogged too much.

I've had a secret since November, please don't be offended my sweet blog readers, we didn't even tell our grandparents our secret until very recently. Would you like the whole story?

Well, tough luck if you don't because I'm going to tell you the story. If you really don't want to hear it all, skip to the last couple paragraphs.

We had our home inspection for adoption in October, I'm pretty sure I told you about that. We started working on the things that our caseworker told us that we needed to fix and such. Our caseworker also told us that the Church is really encouraging couples to try other sources to adopt: Adoption Advertising, other agencies, Foster Care, etc. We thought and prayed about all the other options, but none of them felt right for us. So we decided we'd just keep waiting. But then one day my sweet husband mentioned In Vitro Fertilization, other adoption agencies are SUPER expensive and so is Adoption Advertising, and so is in vitro (IVF). I wasn't sure. Our previous doctors had told us that IVF has a much better chance of working than the IUIs that we had previously been doing, IUIs have about a 10% chance and IVF has about a 60% chance. In my mind I just kept thinking that adoption eventually will have a 100% chance, but who knows when that will be. So we decided to "just look into it". I wasn't sure that I was ready to open my heart to fertility treatments again, it's hard, and often painful. And I'm quite afraid of needles and IVF requires A LOT of needles! So we researched IVF doctors. We set up appointments for consultations with our old fertility doctors (who we really liked, but were a bit expensive) and another place that was a little less expensive. The way the appointments worked out, we went to the less expensive one first. And while they are 3 hours from our house (as is our old doctor) they had a doctor that we could go see for ultrasounds in a city much closer to us (about 45 minutes away) and I could get my blood work done in our city. That sounded really nice! IVF also requires a lot more visits to the doctor than IUIs and I was sure I would have to quit my job to do IVF, which we kind of needed the money from both of our jobs to be able to keep saving and pay for the IVF. So having a doctor much closer made it so I wouldn't have to quit and I wouldn't have to take as much time off. We actually never went to our consultation with our old doctors and just decided to go with the new place. For the most part we really liked them. My main complaint was actually with the doctor they let me go to closer to my home. While he was convenient, I didn't like him AT ALL! Every time I went in he would suggest that I do some sort of surgery, if this didn't work out. And he also tried to diagnosis me all sorts of things, before he saw ANY of my paperwork or me for that matter. Sorry, I digress.

So in November we started the process to get ready for IVF. I had to do a procedure to make sure everything was clear, I'll tell that story another day because it's pretty funny. But needless to say, everything was good to go. I started on the medications I needed to and we waited for the time when the shots and other things started. Around Thanksgiving, my sweet husband started giving me two shots in my belly every morning, towards the beginning of December he started giving me a shot in my bum (TMI, sorry) as well as the two in my belly. Then after a few days of that we got to stop the belly shots but continue with the other. All the while I was taking like 5 other medications. All in hopes of making some beautiful little follicles. About 10 days before Christmas all systems were a go and they did the egg retrieval. I was put under for the procedure; however, that day and the next like 5 days were awful! I couldn't roll over I was in so much pain, I couldn't sit up on my own, so in the middle of the night if I needed to adjust or go to the bathroom I had to wake my sweet husband up so he could help me. It was painful, but I just keep thinking, "This will be worth it." About 4 days before Christmas it was time for the transfer. Then I had to be on COMPLETE bed rest for three days straight. We spent the first day at my wonderful in-law's home because they live really close to our doctor and I couldn't drive the 3 hours in the first day. The second and third day I spent at home. My sweet husband was amazing and very patient with me, I was only allowed to get up to use the bathroom. My sister also came to visit and helped out a ton! My family came for my last day of bed rest and for Christmas, which is actually the real reason why they came to our house for Christmas. After that we had to wait until it was time to do the blood test to see if it worked. Those were some long ten days...lol.

Should I make you, my dear readers, wait for ten days too?


Lol, just kidding! So I had the blood work done on a Saturday and on a Monday. We were told that we would hear the results of the tests Monday between 3 and 5. Since I don't work on Mondays now, I knew I needed to have a project to do that day so I could take my mind off it a bit. So I worked on a skirt. At 3:05 I sent my sweet husband a text saying something along the lines of, why haven't they called yet?! lol! He reminded me that they gave us a two hour window. Thankfully at 3:30 the nurse called. But she said she didn't have definitive results because the results from Saturday got sent to a hospital rather than to them. We still are not sure why that happened, but she did said that my numbers for Monday were good, so she was going to give me a tentative POSITIVE! BUT she had to see the results from Saturday to make sure that the numbers increased. My sweet husband and I were going to go out to dinner to celebrate, but decided to wait until we knew FOR SURE. Thankfully the next day the nurse called and told me that I was DEFINITELY PREGNANT! And she scheduled me for my first prenatal appointment. Our fertility clinic also did the first two prenatal appointments, at 7 and 8 weeks. It was really neat because we got to have an ultrasound and hear the heartbeat at both appointments. Hearing the heartbeat is one of the best sounds I've ever heard! The day that we found out for sure was New Year's Eve, so we got to end our year with GREAT news. We also shared the news with our parents and siblings that night. We told them that they were under strict orders not to tell ANYONE because it was really really really early!

I've felt really well! For once in my life I crave healthy food! My only thing is fatigue, but that is nothing to complain about! We feel SO blessed! Today I am 12 weeks, our due date is September 8th. We don't care either way if it's a boy or a girl, we'll be happy with either!

Now you may be wondering why I chose to put the Brave video in this post. I really love this song and it kind of became my theme song for IVF. Like I said, I'm afraid of needles and I was really afraid of the whole IVF process. I was afraid that we would spend all the money, go through all the appointments, take all the drugs, just to have it not work, or heaven forbid have a miscarriage. All of these terrified me, but EVERY time we went to an appointment we would hear this song on the radio. Which I understand isn't too amazing since it is a really popular song, but it was amazing to me because we usually would read most of the trip and the drive from my sweet in-law's house to our fertility clinic was only 5 minutes. To me it was a tender mercy that Heavenly Father was aware of my fears and He wanted me to be brave. Sometimes in our trials we have to have faith and just do, or in other words, be brave. I am so so so so grateful that my sweet husband and my sweet Heavenly Father helped me to be brave and go out on a limb, because we wouldn't have this wonderful blessing otherwise.

This is from our first visit at 7 weeks. It shows the baby and the heartbeat.

This one is from our second visit at 8 weeks, it also shows the baby and the heartbeat.

After that our fertility clinic said I could start going to my regular doctor so I didn't have to drive 3 hours for my appointments. When I was 10 weeks I saw the nurse practitioner because my normal doctor is super busy and I just loved the nurse practitioner. She was so sweet! She told me, "At 10 weeks sometimes it's hard to hear the heartbeat, so don't worry if we don't hear it." She was using a Doppler rather than an ultrasound. I told her that I had hear it before. And she said, "Well we'll try." So she gooped me up and we immediately heard the heartbeat. The NP was so cute and said, "Isn't that the best sound in the whole world!?!" I swear she even teared up, it was super cute! 

And here I am at 12 weeks: