The other day some friends of mine were talking about where their children are going to preschool,
I was listening, not really saying much, because I don't have much to add,
but anyways, I was listening and then one of them said something along the lines of:
my friend is sending her child to a private preschool, I'm not sure why, but it may be because she adopted her child and she feels like she has something to prove.
At this point, I completely withdrew from the conversation.
This bothered me A LOT!
It was hard for me to put exactly into words why it bothered me,
but then I found an article written by a friend I used to work with at BYU.
He has his wife have a beautiful little son through adoption,
this is what he said,
"I hope my own son always cherishes the love for him, from both us and from his birth mother, that went into his adoption. But I'll never use his adoption as an identifier for him. Even when telling his story, my wife and I saw Mason WAS adopted. We don't say he IS adopted. It happened, and he's part of our family. It's not an ongoing even. It's an important part of his heritage, but it's not who he is.
That's why it also grates on my nerves when I hear parents introduce their families by saying they've got two biological kids and two adopted kids.
News flash: you've got four kids. Period.
When the adoption story comes up in conversation, I hope those parents share it eagerly. But please don't set a different category for the two who don't have Mom's hair and Dad's eyes. It doesn't matter."
"I hope my own son always cherishes the love for him, from both us and from his birth mother, that went into his adoption. But I'll never use his adoption as an identifier for him. Even when telling his story, my wife and I saw Mason WAS adopted. We don't say he IS adopted. It happened, and he's part of our family. It's not an ongoing even. It's an important part of his heritage, but it's not who he is.
That's why it also grates on my nerves when I hear parents introduce their families by saying they've got two biological kids and two adopted kids.
News flash: you've got four kids. Period.
When the adoption story comes up in conversation, I hope those parents share it eagerly. But please don't set a different category for the two who don't have Mom's hair and Dad's eyes. It doesn't matter."
Sometimes I think people are so insensitive... that bothers me a lot too! Maybe it's because my husband was adopted, but his parents are his parents, whether or not he has their genetic makeup or not. People definitely look surprised when they find out he was adopted, but I don't get why it's that big of a deal. His parents love and adore him just as much as any other parent, the only difference is how he joined their family. I really love those points brought up by your friend... thanks for sharing his and your thoughts!!!
ReplyDeleteI like that article you shared. I never use the word adoption (my brothers were sealed to my family and that's that) The only time I remember or even think about it is when others bring it up. We could probably write a book on all the dumb things people have said to us. LOL :D I feel no differently towards any of my siblings and my mom will say the same thing about her children. If anything I feel closer and more love for them. Don't tell Allie. JK :D I am so excited for you Addie! There is a little one meant to come to you and I can hardly wait to hear he or she is one the way! :)
ReplyDeleteMegan and Rachel, you both are so sweet! I love to hear your experiences. Thank you for your comments!
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